sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
