Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
