In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
