Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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