I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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