Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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