She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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