chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
