Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
