I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
