You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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