We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
