...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
