Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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