Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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