she smelled like a LAN party
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
