I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
