Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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