he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
