Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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