Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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