i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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