i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
