I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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