thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize