it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
