hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
