I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
