just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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