Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
