i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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