there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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