eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
