omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge†by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
