He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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