i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We left an ass print on the piano.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
