How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
