Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
