no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
