i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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