We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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