nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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