omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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