I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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