She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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