Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
