So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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