im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
