My first STD was from a foam party
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
