Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
