Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
