At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
