I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
