I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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