i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
