i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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