it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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