I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
