My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
