shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
