If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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