I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
