One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
