Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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