I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
