dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
