I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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