I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
