I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
