No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Randomize
