We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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