I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.