I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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