I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was like eating out sand paper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.