so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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