3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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