i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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