listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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