Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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