So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
