Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
soo... how was my night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
