just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
