she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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